May 29, 2013
Being in any kind of successful relationship takes work because anything worthwhile takes effort. To be happy in a relationship an investment is required from both partners. Some people are fearful of the word “intimacy” and avoid it at all costs; yet it is crucial for a healthy loving relationship. Other relationships are struggling because the intimacy that was once there is fading. Here are six simple ways to keep intimacy alive in your relationship, whether you are still in the honeymoon phase or you have been together for years.
One of the most important aspects of any relationship is honest and open communication. You both need to feel comfortable in sharing all your fears, needs and desires to create a tighter bond. You lose a lot of intimacy through a lack of communication and begin to disconnect. Stress begins to take over and continues to build, sometimes beyond repair.
Everyone has problems and issues that need to be resolved and some believe that not talking will cause it to just go away, which is wrong! Learn your partner's body cues language to effectively resolve issues of conflict. Never attack each other or degrade one another. That may mean taking a few minutes or more to “cool off” and then sit down calmly to talk things through without fear of conflict. Never go into it a discussion with a sense of retaliation or need to be right. The most important thing in a relationship is to know you have been heard and the same goes for your spouse. Above all, you must both be honest and willing to compromise in order to move forward fully satisfied.
If you want to be fully loved and keep intimacy alive in your relationship, you have to give all of you by being completely open and vulnerable. Someone who truly loves sharing a life with you is not looking for someone that is perfect but rather for you to just be you. This is where you would rely on communication to share everything about you. Vulnerability is also about letting yourself open to receive love and affection. Everyone can benefit from vulnerability because it offers accurate expectations of your flaws and your strengths. Accurate expectations of who you are eliminate misunderstandings and disappointment. Letting yourself be vulnerable will be awkward for some people at first but it does not have to be an overnight transformation. Instead, think of it as an ever growing process with loved ones.
Do not be afraid to accept help from your significant as this is sometimes a form of rejection. Something may not be done your way but helping you and accepting help is a way to need and be needed. Even if gift giving has become regular, always be grateful and as shocked as you were the first time. Everyone needs to feel their efforts are appreciated. On the other hand, give your significant other little gifts for no apparent reason. Gifts do not have to be expensive because, as they say, “it is the thought that counts.” Little gifts will show your partner that you were thinking of them at the oddest moments in time.
Sometimes you need to have interests outside of the home in order to create a tighter bond with your spouse, such as an occasional dinner with friends, sports or hobbies. Be imaginative and even if you have children and busy schedules, make appointments (that you keep) to spend quality time together. An overnight stay at a cozy hotel or tickets to the theater or other performances are good ideas. Do not forget to dress formal as if this is your first date. As relationships grow, fun and spontaneity seem to fade but it doesn't have to if you try.
Whenever you have a moment together, remember the healing power of touch. Pay attention to things your partner likes, whether it is holding hands, a kiss on the cheek in passing, hugging or a touch on the arm. Nonverbal communication is critical. Even eye contact and a simple smile across a room can mean so much. As you do more, you will notice increased intimacy within your bedroom. If you have stopped sleeping in the same bed because your partner prefers more or less blankets than you, consider the Twovet comforter which has a hot and cold side to choose from.
Set out little “love you” notes around the home or car, pick up the phone just to say “I’m thinking of you” or send an occasional text. You can also meet each other at the office for a lunch and a surprise visit is even better. Another little thing that matters is taking care of yourself. Stay fit and rested to maintain romance and intimacy.
If you follow the guidelines above your relationship will maintain intimacy or create it if it has disappeared.
Do you have any tips that work in your relationship? Comment below!
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