December 21, 2013
A woman's bedroom is her little slice of heaven, but not when everything in it is as ugly as sin. When you spend most of your life outside of work in one confined space, that space better be your favorite place in the entire world. Unfortunately, you might not realize how unappealing your bedroom is until the following things smack you in the face:
A lot of people wake up in the morning screaming in fear or with tears welling up in their eyes--after having a nightmare. When you wake up frowning for no good reason after sleeping like a baby for a solid eight or nine hours, you've finally seen the light. That is, the sunlight shining through your window revealing the dump that you just slept in.
If your walls are blank, that can only mean one of several things: you're a hardcore minimalist, you just moved in and haven't had time to decorate, or you simply can't afford anything "extra" at the moment. All are dumb excuses for being a very boring person. Do you head to work wearing nothing but lipstick? That's right. Put something on those walls, anything at all.
Do you ever feel like Godzilla stepping over little islands to get to your feeding grounds? Well, you shouldn't. That simply means you live like a farm animal. Floors should be flat, so tidy up the place.
If you take showers daily, your bedroom should smell like peaches and bubblegum. When a quick whiff of the air reveals odors identifiable as a sweaty sports bra, remnants of a Big Mac or an Egyptian mummy, those things are probably in your room somewhere. It's time to clean up.
Have you ever stepped into your bedroom door from the upstairs hallway thinking that you've just entered Mr. Rogers' neighborhood? If so, your taste is "vintage," to put it nicely. This is 2013. Clean, sleek and modern is in.
Entertaining guests at home is a lot of fun for many women. Even on cocktail nights, do your girlfriends insist on going home even when they're hammered? If so, it's because you offered to let them sleep in your room.
Losing a g-string or two isn't a big deal considering your annual salary. You could always stop by the Vicky's Secret down the street for more intimates anytime. Here's another secret: those undergarments are in there somewhere, and you can't find them because the bedroom needs a makeover.
Do you notice that little Timmy always finds his way back to your room after you tuck him into his own bed? That's because your room reminds him of Pee-wee's Playhouse, and that's seriously disturbing.
Do you find yourself sitting on stacks of books, eating off of a poster board balancing on empty soda cans, or lounging around on a mountain of unwashed laundry? These are all signs that you need to buy real furniture for your bedroom. Stores like IKEA sell contemporary furniture at great prices, but you could get high-end furniture at posh boutiques as well. Just sit in a real chair next time.
There are two things wrong with this picture: you still have wallpaper, and it has flowers on it. Trash that garage, and put your artistic side to work by giving the room a fresh coat of paint.
If your bedroom carpet is your senior, you have a few problems. First, you need to reevaluate your sense of style. Secondly, you may have some health issues. Finally, there is probably some unidentifiable creature living in it. Scrap the rug quickly before that thing eats you.
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